To Divorce or Not To Divorce
To divorce or not, that is the question. We know for a fact that after the exchange, of “I do”, some marriages do not really have happy endings. If the marriage does not work out, then filing a divorce is almost instantly the solution. Almost 50 to 60 percent of newlyweds will likely to end up in court rooms to file a divorce petition.
Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the cancellation of the legal responsibilities, obligations, and duties of marriage. It is the dissolution of the bond of matrimony between the husband and the wife. Simply, it is the termination of marriage. This happens when both husband and wife decide that they no longer want to live together. This is legal in western countries while in some it is not actually permitted.
There are several reasons why couples decide to divorce. Listed below are the most common:
- Financial problem – when a spouse can no longer support the marriage financially, there is greater chance of a divorce.
- Infidelity – cheating on one’s spouse is a good ground for divorce.
- Poor communication – when the channel of communication breaks, misunderstanding occurs. When it does, several problems will catapult and be magnified from it.
- Priority change – having children, change in job, interest, and priorities sometimes cause misunderstanding.
- Lack of commitment – when one spouse does not have a commitment to marriage, chances could be that the other spouse will feel betrayed.
- Sexual problems – unhealthy sex life will definitely cause a spouse to cheat and thereby commit infidelity.
- Addictions – nobody wants to have an addict spouse, unless they are both addicts.
- Failed expectation – when a spouse does not meet the expectations of the other, somebody might be able to give those expectations.
- Abuse – be it emotional, physical, or sexual, it is a highly possible cause of divorce.
Now that the reasons are laid, one can still save a dying marriage and not end up in court by considering the facts above. If it is a small problem, then maybe the couple can still work on it. However, if divorce is inevitable, then one must know the legalities of divorce before running to a legal counsel.
There are ways that a spouse can be equipped with knowledge about divorce. Here are some:
- Divorce class – since divorce cases increased, a number of divorce classes have sprouted. Some states like Florida and Utah require couples who are planning to divorce to attend divorce classes. This course sometimes takes 4 hours of training and discussion about conflict resolutions and negotiation skills, as well as preparations for the shock of divorce.
- Internet – there is a lot of information available in the Internet about divorce, and it is a big database out there. Doing some research will be less likely to cost a dollar.
- Book – if Internet is not available, then there are a lot of books about divorce in the library that can help.
- Hiring a professional – if one does not want the hassle of it, hiring a Certified Divorce Planner will solve it all.
When all is ready, one just have to wait for the petition and summons to arrive before appearing in court. Consequently, he must know the divorce process.
Divorce is basically initiated when one spouse is notified of a petition of the other spouse’s intention of a divorce. This is usually through summons and petition for dissolution of marriage with a proper court jurisdiction in the country or place where both couples reside. The petition is a document that contains the types of agreement a spouse demands in a divorce. This includes issues like the child custody and support and property division. Summons informs the corresponding spouse for the allotted time to a response for the petition. The agreement is fixed when the Matrimonial Termination Agreement is finalized and approved by the judge in court. Lastly, if all goes well, a divorce decree is issued.
It may sound so simple, but it may never be easy for a couple to decide on ending the marriage so easily, especially if there are children involved. If the marriage can be saved by talks, then divorce might not be a resort. Again, ask yourself once more, to divorce or not to divorce?
Road of Independence or Greed?
“I do”…These are the two common words couples say to affirm of the vow they take during matrimonial ceremonies. Few years later, they realize that they don’t mean what they were affirming, and they should have said “I don’t” instead of “I do”. Two people thought that they were in love, and they want to spend the rest of their lives together so they thought they were ready to take the biggest leap of their lives to get married. Most young couples make quick decisions to get married not knowing the consequences of their decisions.
I talked to some of my friends and colleagues who’s been married for years and asked them if they were ready when they decided to marry their partners. Most of them say they thought they were ready and some say they were not, but they have to. I talked to one of our clients who is a lawyer who handles divorce, and he said that most of their clients are young couples who got married because of parental pressure. We have a lot of reasons to get married and some of them are deceiving, which are bases on mental speculation and false emotions. Well, news flash! There are more reasons to get a divorce than to get married.
Divorce has been one of the common solutions that married couples take as a legal way to the road of freedom. If people think it is so easy to escape from marriage then one of the options to consider to get married is also divorce. It’s easy to say nowadays that if it won’t work out then we can get a divorce. It is one of the best options that married couples think nowadays to consider as a solution of unhealthy marriage. To be fair with the couples involve, if there is no possible way to save the marriage then it would be wise to get a divorce. I can just imagine how hard it is to stay in a relationship that you are no longer happy with, how much more for a marriage which is more complicated. As a Christian, I am against the idea of divorce but for practical reasons, if it’s necessary to do it, then it could be a wise option to consider.
A lot of intelligent people are doing research on the causes of unhealthy marriages but failed to find the root cause of it. All they say is to see a marriage counselor or get an annulment or divorce. The root cause is within us, but we try to ignore it because we refuse to accept it’s true. It is GREED that made us decide to get out of marriage. It’s the one that pushes us to go through a divorce no matter what it takes, even if it will end up being beaten by pressure on the process and financially drain in the end. We might think that we want to get it because it is the only solution for both parties to be happy but deep inside you, you know that all you wanted is to get everything you want you think that could satisfy you. It doesn’t matter what selfish excuses you have, it would always end up being you as the center, like there’re no other people involved.
Everybody aims for a healthy marriage and happy family so why not make something to create these kinds of dreams. The best way to make a successful marriage is to learn to sacrifice our own personal desires and consider your partner’s desire before yourself. Take time to talk a lot about plans, futures, and dreams. We should learn to accept our partner for who he/she is and learn to respect what they are. Don’t try to change him/her or change yourself because it’s not good, and your marriage would turn out to be a soap opera on TV, which is full of pretentions and lies. The best option would be to have a spiritual guidance which really works for couples who have a very healthy marriage. There’re a lot of ways to make marriage a success. If you want to get married, don’t make DIVORCE as an option.